154 page views on my very first post yesterday! WOW! This morning I woke to dozens of emails, Facebook private messages, timeline posts and even a comment on the blog! All encouraging comments from strong and beautiful people!! Today, I am feeling truly blessed to have all of you in my life, whether I know you personally or we have come to know each other on social media. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Yesterday, was also a big step for me. My husband and I spent a lot of time visiting with his family yesterday. Finally feeling comfortable talking about my body, and what is going with it is such a relief. If any of you know me, I typically would be scared to go to the doctor on my own for a cold. And going to a doctor about "down there" was literally unheard of! I didn't want to know what was going on "down there" let alone someone else taking a peak. You literally lose all dignity when you have to go to a clinic every other day to have an internal ultrasound. Now it's routine!! I can walk into the clinic, EEEEVERYONE knows me (probably from last year's stress leave when my inappropriate boss called the clinic to even see if I was even a patient.)
SOFT is a great place to be. When feeling even a little bit depressed that things aren't going to work out, there are dozens of staff members there who right away are understanding, and try to lift your spirits and create a positive atmosphere. I can drag my butt to London at 7:30 am for blood work and ultrasound, and be out of there in 20 minutes, unless we make small talk about what I have been up to. It is truly amazing to be able to have that many people help you in one place, and know that going in there you are in a safe place where everyone cares about YOU!
So back to yesterday. Speaking with my parents about the "problem" is one thing. I make small talk with my mom, let her know what is sort of happening. But that is it. No talking about eggs, estrogen levels, uterus sizes, blood samples, ultrasounds or anything. It's just a "yep nothing this month, going to try this and this next month" type of deal. Talking with my husbands parents.......DEAR LORD! #1, I cannot just walk into the house and say "my ovaries are being jerks" I cannot just openly talk about it while my husband is there..... but yesterday...YESTERDAY, my father in law asked me about my uterus, ovaries AND follicle. TALK ABOUT AWKWARD! Explaining our treatments to him with even a little "cow breeding" comparisons was the weirdest thing I have ever had to do. But knowing that both of them were willing to listen, and support us was huge! Fertility treatments are extremely costly. And now being on them for almost two years our wallets are growing thin and the same with our bank account. We discussed options of putting in a drug plan here on the farm hoping to offset some costs. This option we brought forth last year, but again a certain family member did nothing but cause trouble so it was easier for us to go without then to deal with her selfishness and rudeness. But now, we are heading into more invasive treatments which can costs into the thousands of dollars. So it is either a little drug plan or a huge loan from the bank.
Needless to say, yesterday it clicked. I am now comfortable talking about our fertility issues. Being able to talk about what is going on with my body and what steps we are taking to change it. Sometimes, its better for people to know what you are going through! It makes them understand why you yelled at them 10 minutes prior and your so giddy after. They realize your hormones are so out of whack that you can't control it. They understand you are feeling sad all the time and to be a little more compassionate and caring towards you.
TODAY'S UPDATE
Day 18. Typically a "normal" woman would have already ovulated. I am
not to go into the Clinic until Wednesday, which yes seeing as it is
only merely 2 days away, for me it feels like a lifetime. Last night I
was experiencing some mild discomfort. It almost felt like I was
swelled up and bloated, I am going to take this as a good sign that
something is working down there. I also booked an acupuncture apt for
this morning to try and help stimulate those lazy ovaries. It was
either that, or I was going to go on strike and kick them out of my
body. "Look, if you can't work, then get out!"
TODAY'S LIFESTYLE CHANGES:
Keep on, keeping on :)
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